Update Slowly

Despite the whole missing our flight, paying nearly an extra grand to get to Salt Lake City in time to drive five plus hours to WY thing, the first 36 hours of using our pass actually went OK. Sure, I did have a minor hissy fit in JFK when I was trying to figure out what we were going to do and Pete and Ian kept freaking talking to me, but, you know . . . Since we changed our flight, we didn't have seats, so I took a chance and asked the Jetblue check in guy (surely his official title) if there was any way Ian could sit with one of us. The guy was cool and gave us first row seats, Ian and me on one side, Pete on the aisle next to us.

Ian was very, very cute in the beginning of our five plus hour flight. He sat with his hands clasped, eyes wide, and followed along in the emergency pamphlet during the presentation everyone ignores. The man next to him was smiling at him and everything. Then Ian got comfortable and let a few rip. My seat vibrated, so surely the one on his other side did too. Freaking kid. As if that wasn't enough, he got brave and bored, so he stood in the front of the plane to "stretch". Too bad stretching turned into dancing, which led to leaning over, sticking his butt out and farting while emitting a very loud sigh of relief/pleasure. Unfortunately someone laughed at this and it was repeated, oh maybe twenty times before I got pissed off enough to threaten the safety of his security blanket.

Finally, we got to CA, where the airport was so freaking small they only have outdoor ramps to get on and off the planes. It consisted of maybe three trailers and the baggage claim was outside, next to three picnic tables and THAT. WAS. IT. So much for staying at the airport and grabbing some food/rest before our 7AM flight. It was like 9:30PM and the place was getting locked up for the night!!! WTF? We finally rented a car ($50 for 6 freaking hours)and drove around looking for a hotel. After half an hour, we found one-less than a mile from the airport. :) Then I remembered In 'N Out Burgers are in CA, so Pete asked at the hotel if there was one nearby. Luckily, it was only another mile away and the only thing open. Yummy. I can see why people love them. For cheap fast food burgers, they rocked. In fact, I made Pete drive thru the drive thru to order another one for me. I probably should have considered eating at some point before 1AM our time.

Our hotel room sucked. It was humid and chemical-y smelling, like the carpet had been recently shampooed, but not dried. Then my bed started vibrating. Needless to say, I didn't sleep much and the humidity and smell gave me a migraine. WooHoo! We decided to forgoe silly things like showering and eating so we could drive to the Pacific to see the sun rise. I checked out Long Beach on my almost trusty iPad, and discovered that it is generally considered filthy and waveless. Awesome!!! But thanks to our In 'N Out jaunt, I knew how to get to a road we could follow south for five to ten miles to a nicer beach-- Sunset Beach. Halfway there I started laughing about how we are so ass backwards we were going to Sunset Beach at SunRise. It took another couple minutes to figure out exactly what that meant for us. As I was noticing signs for beach access on our right, the sun was creeping onto the horizon-- on our left. I slapped the wheel and screamed "MotherFucker!" before I started laughing hysterically about what morons we are. Seriously, how stupid can you be? Ahahahahaha. It was perfect, it fit in so well with our trip that far.

We took a bunch of pictures, froze our toes and sped back to the airport, where we waited a whopping two minutes before boarding. Yay!!! That short flight was rotten. Ian farted the whole time and generally acted like an asshole while I wore my sunglasses to help my migraine and got more and more annoyed. Fun stuff!

Holy Fucking Stupid Shit

So, this afternoon I was mentally patting myself on the back for the freaking awesome job I did getting to JFK. We were 15 miles away from the airport, with plenty o time to check in and make the flight, despite having left, uh, let's just leave it at "late". We missed last check in time by five minutes. The next flight from JFK to Salt Lake City was a full 24 hours (minus five minutes) from then. Ugh. Not cool, but we have those passes, right? Yeah. Uh huh. I also have an iPad, that doesn't mean it will do what I need when I need it. Like in the airport. Jetblue's flight pattern map is flash based. iPad doesn't use flash. Not fun. The quickest way I could find to fly Jetblue was to take a non-stop flight to Long Beach, CA, arriving@ 9:30 PM and then taking a flight from CA to SLC Friday morning @ 7:50, arriving in SLC @ 10:30AM. No biggie, I guess. We can just stay in the Long Beach airport for 8 hours, I figured. I was wrong. Really fucking wrong. Long Beach is pathetic as far as airports go. I won't even get into it, but it's bad, really, really bad. We got here @ 9:30 and the sidewalks had been rolled up already.

Ugh. Too tired, can't focus eyes all of a sudden. Will finish some day.

Tomorrow (today)

In twelve hours our first All You Can Jet flight leaves JFK airport toward Boston. I have to leave here before 5AM in order to avoid sitting in rush hour traffic for hours upon hours. Well, technically, I could wait until 9AM when traffic thins out, but I'd be cutting it close, very close. So 5 it is. No biggie, except for the child who is currently ranting and raving about how much he hates Boston and doesn't want to go, instead of sleeping. This ranting obviously leads to a lack of sleep for both of us. Which will lead to more ranting and an all out miserable time tomorrow, I'm sure. Yay!!! I'm so excited to be doing this cool stuff for my ever appreciative son!! I'm thinking that I will either try to sell him to Mormons in Salt Lake City on Thursday or ask a kind herd of buffalo to adopt him as one of their own in the Grand Tetons. Boston's too close, and I can't think of any group there to take him, as I'm guessing the Mayflower Society types will surely notice his profound lack of manners different accent. Ahhhhh, fun.

I should probably decide what we're doing tomorrow and figure out how to get there, but I do have a few more hours. Packing a bag would probably be good too. Finding a bag in which to pack our supplies for the day might be better. Eh, we don't need much. I did check the weather forecast though. It's supposed to be hot and mostly sunny, I think. Yay!!! I also checked the weather in Grand Teton NP. Snow mixed with rain is forecast for Friday. It's so weird for me to consider snow in September. I'm just glad it means Ian will probably not get to try his latest trick. He finally stopped dropping his pants to his ankles when pissing in the woods. Instead, he unzipped, stood at the edge of a not-very-large-but-still-kinda-big cliff, thrust his pelvis and arched his back while screaming, "Fire Away!!!", then proceeded to piss in as large an arch as possible, all while laughing hysterically. It was great. I was hoping to see it replicated in a large park with actual cliffs. (I'm lying.)

I'm ovulating, which means: a) I get diarrhea b) I get gassy c) I get car sick / nauseous even easier than normal d) I break out e) I'm (even) bitch(ier than normal). Nature's contraceptive-- that's me!!!! The timing does not help the situation involving the ranting child. But usually when it's hardest to get somewhere I have more fun than I was expecting to have, although I probably just blew that little theory by typing it, huh?